based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
