it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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