Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
