I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
