Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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