We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
