Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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