weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
