i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
