Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
