Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
