I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
