every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I pour the whiskey from now on
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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