I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
