so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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