Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
