I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
