How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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