You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
