my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
