she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
