I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
