it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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