lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
