Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
