My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
