it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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