I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
