Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
