I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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