yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
