He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
