If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
