Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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