Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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