wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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