From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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