I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
