i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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