I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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