i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
