The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
