I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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