I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
