____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
