New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
