Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
