Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
