I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
