Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
