she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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