Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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